After fifteen years of endurance racing, I thought that we have experienced every possible type of setback. But this was a first. As you may have heard, Karel had a hard fall on his mountain bike on Tuesday May 18th, which happened to be five days before our scheduled event, IM 70.3 Chattanooga. Although Karel never broke a bone before, he instantly knew that something was seriously wrong with his hand. I will go into more details on his accident in a future blog post but for now, here's how the week went for us.
From ~6pm until 9:30pm we were in the ER waiting room (well Karel was, I had to wait outside due to COVID rules) and then from 9:30-10:30pm, Karel was admitted into the emergency room patient area. We arrived back home around 11pm and I was able to get to bed around midnight. It was a rough night for Karel as he was in so much pain. Neither of us slept much (especially Karel).
On Wednesday, I called the hand center as soon as they opened as Karel was in a tremendous amount of pain (and the pain meds were not helping). They told me they would call me back in a few hours to schedule a consult with the surgeon. I waited and waited and around 10am, I decided to go for a run outside. The run was interrupted by a few calls from the hand center to schedule an appointment for Karel.
Thursday I had planned to swim in the morning but it was another interrupted night of sleep as Karel was in a lot of pain. My heart hurt for him. Around mid morning as Karel was resting, I decided to ride on the trainer for my workout as I didn't have the mental or physical energy to ride outside. In the early afternoon, I took Karel to see the surgeon. After an hour appointment, we were told to wait for a call to see about a time and day that Karel could get surgery.
Nearing 4pm on Thursday, I still wasn't sure if I would race IM 70.3 Chattanooga. I wanted to be with Karel and take care of him. I didn't feel right "playing" triathlon while he was in so much pain (or having surgery). We received a call from the surgery center and Karel was scheduled to have surgery at 12:30pm on Friday and to be at the hospital at 10am.
After talking things over with Karel, my mom and our good friend Alvi (who were were sharing an Airbnb with), I decided I would race. But I wasn't there to be competitive but to be there for our athletes. I wanted to drive up on Saturday but with my scheduled check-in time at 2-3pm on Friday, we decided it would be better for me to leave on Friday so I wasn't rushed on Saturday. Plus Karel would be in surgery for 2 hours on Friday morning. After packing up my stuff on Thursday, I mowed the front lawn for Karel, got together some food for him while I was away and made sure the house was ready for Karel to be a patient for the next 72 hours. Thankfully my mom helped out and took Karel to the surgery center and stayed with him all evening - and continued to check on him, walk Campy and feed the cats on Saturday.
Although I didn't sleep too well on Thursday evening, I went for a quick swim on Friday before driving to Chatty. I felt like I wasn't present in the workout but just going through the motions. It helped that my swimming partner Kristen was there. I joined the master swim group and just kinda did my own thing.
Karel was picked up by my mom around 9:20am and Alvi and I left at 9:30am. We arrived in Chatty around 2pm, right as Karel was getting out of surgery - which was a huge relief for me as I was really worried about him and just wanted to get the news that the surgery went ok.
If you are always wanting, hoping or wishing for the perfect situation or scenario on race week/day, you will always be waiting. No matter what is thrown your way, have trust in your ability to perform optimally, despite the circumstances you are given.
Had it been more serious, there was no way that I would choose a race over Karel's health. But seeing that his injury was not life-threatening, once I knew he was safe out of surgery and on the road to recovery, I approached the race with no expectations and I prepared myself to just enjoy the day and to stay in the moment. I wasn't racing for me, but for our athletes and for Karel.
And to my shocking surprise, things turned out pretty okay.
As if I didn't already learn enough lessons from this experience, this was a helpful reminder to never race with expectations. Expectations often lead to disappointments. Expectations cause frustration when you feel like you aren't performing to your potential. It is either black or white. You either succeed or you fail. When you have an expectation and you don't meet is, you get disappointed, you feel less than and compare yourself negatively to others. When we focus on the process - on the execution - we can do the small things well. And that is how the best outcome possible is achieved. This doesn't mean you have low expectations or you are lowering the bar. This means you are getting rid of the bar completely.
I didn't feel any pressure on race day. I didn't need to prove anything to anyone, to Karel or to myself. All I focused on was being in the moment. Be. Here. Now. To perform at your best, you must let go of the outcome focus and learn to become optimally focused and apply your best effort in each present moment.
