I was so nervous for the ride that I backed out a few times before I finally committed to showing up for the ride. When I finally did show up, I didn't even make the warm-up loop for the group ride. I felt embarrassed and upset. The next week I showed up again and once again, I didn't even make it through the warm-up loop before getting dropped. After a few more attempts, I had a bit of a breakdown and out of frustration, I told Karel I would never do a group ride again. Committed to my decision, I eventually stopped showing up to the ride that summer. Instead of trying to get better, I stayed within my comfort zone and rode by myself.
Had I stayed true to my decision to never ride in a group again, I would have never improved as a cyclist. More so, I would have missed out on so many incredible group riding opportunities with Karel. Thankfully, I was stubborn enough to show up again. Eventually I made the warm-up loop. And then I made the first loop. Because I kept showing up, each time I found myself going a little further in the ride. Although we moved out of Clearwater (to Jacksonville) before I was ever able to complete the entire group ride, I got better because I failed.
I couldn't help but remember this experience while riding in a group ride this past Tuesday evening. Although this was only my second time in three weeks participating in the Spinners Perimeter A-group ride, it has become a favorite workout for me. The ride is challenging and uncomfortable and it really takes me out of my comfort zone. My strength is steady-state riding and the longer the better for me. My weakness is generating high power for a short amount of time. Rather than try to do sprints on my own, I would much rather be forced to do them in a group. This ride not only stresses my anaerobic system but we turn this almost 90-minute, 35-mile ride into a "long" ride by riding to and from the group ride. Nearly 70 miles on a Tuesday evening makes for a spicy long ride. For me, it's really about the comradery of being around other cyclists. Plus, nothing makes me feel more alive and grateful than being on my bike, riding while the sunsets and finishing the ride in the dark with only our lights to guide us home safely.
On this last ride, Georgie Hincapie and Bobby Julich were part of the ride, alongside a great group of other riders. I was the lone female as the local pro and elite female cyclists are racing at this time of the year. The ride had at least 50 riders to start. With a police escort to lead the group, we completed 5 x 7ish-mile loops. There were some breakaways and a lot of surges. I struggled a lot. Although I am not scared riding 25 mph on my road bike in a group, it's still a bit uneasy at times. There's a lot to focus on - like the riders around me, what's going on in the front, drinking, changing gears and responding to different moves - but that's what I love about group rides. I am ok to fail because I am trying. And each time I try, I am getting better.
Although I finished the last two rides (and didn't get dropped), it was super challenging for me. I actually got dropped on the 4th loop on Tuesday but somehow willed my way back as the group slowed down. I was using all of my Ironman distance racing mantras to not give up and I couldn't help but think about the swim and run that I did earlier in the day. But I didn't let any excuse get in my way. I just kept giving my best effort, refusing to give up.
Failure.
It's through failure that we learn the greatest life lessons. Failure is our best teacher. Failing hurts, but it's necessary. It's important to fail at something before you can succeed.
If you go through life without failing at anything, you are not really living life. Taking risks, trying something for the first time or stepping out of the comfort zone is part of life.
Sport culture loves to celebrate success but it's in the highlight reel that we learn that every journey toward success is filled with upsets, setbacks, obstacles and failures. The behind-the-scenes moments are never as glamorous as the finished product. Every time I finish something that I wasn't able to do before, I can't help but think about all the times I failed before. I didn't just "show up" to this group ride and finish the ride. This was 15-years in the making.
If you've recently failed at something, you are doing something right. Ignore the naysayers. Living a life that is always safe, predictable and easy isn't really living life.
With only a few weeks left until my last race of 2021, I can't help but think back to all of my failures. I have so much gratitude for my body right now and every day I am thankful for what I am able to do. I've overcome so much over the years to get to where I am right now.
The more you fail, the more you learn, the more resilient you become and the more you grow.
It's ok to fail. But don't give up.
You didn't get this far to only come this far.