~18 years old
On Monday, as I was about to dry my hair after my early evening swim, I overheard three young girls (~9-11 years old) talking to one another by the bathroom mirrors. I didn't think much of it until I heard one of the girls talking about her body. Still in her swimsuit, she stood in front of the mirror and was telling her friends about her body. She first said that she liked how she looked from the front but she didn't like how her butt looked in her swimsuit. While "fat talk" or self-degrading, negative body-related comments have sadly become somewhat normalized among adult women, it saddened me that these young girls were taking part in body shaming.
I started swimming when I was 10 years old. Although I really enjoyed being in the water, I always looked forward to swim practice because it was an opportunity to be around my friends. There was no social media to make us feel dissatisfied with our bodies so any negative body talk would have been learned from TV, magazines, parents, authority figures or sport figures. Thankfully, I had a great swim coach and a fantastic group of friends and I never felt like my body was too big, too fat, too ugly or not good enough. I loved being in my swimsuit because to me, that was a sign that I was swimmer. My self-identity was my sport, not an image. Throughout middle and high school, I never spent energy on what my body looked like but all my focus was on what my body could do in the pool......and hanging out with my swimmer friends because we had so much fun together.
One of the most freeing feelings in the world is loving yourself just as you are. But in today's society - where kids, teens and young adults are constantly bombarded with messages about what their bodies should look like, raising females to be body positive can be incredibly difficult. According to research, most girls are afraid of getting or being fat.
If you are an adult reading this blog, you have a responsibility to help girls develop a positive body image. It's important to help girls recognize that their body doesn't define them or their worth. For some girls, it's about teaching them how to celebrate their body and what it can do. For others, it's important to untangle the negative messages around body image.
Here are a few ways to help young girls recognize that all bodies are normal bodies:
- Celebrate all bodies - Not all bodies are meant to look or work the same. It's normal to be unique. Human bodies come in different shapes, sizes, skin tones and heights and every human has distinguishing features based on genetics. It's important to teach kids that body diversity exists and it's normal. Fill the bookshelf with diverse books so that feature characters are of different genders, races, sexual orientations, religions, sizes, shapes and abilities. If your child comments about someone's body, respond in a way that helps your child recognize that differences are normal.
~20 years old - Focus on what bodies can do, not what they look like - It's easy to fall into the trap of complimenting girls based on appearance - hair, clothing, skin, size, shape, weight. By complimenting a young girl on what her body can do rather than just what it looks like, you teach girls that they are so much more than a sum of body parts. Help girls find activities that help her perceive her body as capable and strong so that she learns that her body is not an object but a vehicle that can do incredible things. Lastly, offer compliments that celebrate being unique - her beautiful dyed purple hair, her fun colorful dress or a bright green swimsuit. Avoid reinforcing the idea that you become more worthy of acceptance when you look "normal."
~21 years old - Have the hard discussions - Don't ignore topics of body image. Like adults, kids are inundated with negative messages about body image. Our culture has an obsession with thin, beauty and appearance. When you spot a magazine talking about getting that "perfect" summer body, the character in a TV show is the outcast because he/she is overweight, or how most animated characters are thin and beautiful and villains are ugly, use these as discussion points. When kids feel like their appearance doesn't match up, they may try to find a solution (ex. dieting, excessive exercise, make-up).
~20 years old - Watch your own words - Imagine if young girls heard a group of ladies in the locker room talking about how beautiful they felt in their swimsuits despite showing body fat and cellulite. If we want girls to love their bodies, all adult women need to practice what we preach. Unfortunately, girls listen and learn from female adult figures. If you express body hatred, you are always restricting food or on a diet or speak negatively about your body, your daughter is paying attention. Strive to practice body kindness. If you are exercising, talk about how strong you feel when you exercise or that you are wanting to participate in an event. Not that you are looking forward to being skinnier or to look better in your swimsuit. When you wear makeup, don't focus on covering up imperfections. Talk about the creativity you feel when you can play with different colors. Consider how your language may be communicating negative messages about body image and appearance. This extends to eating. Meal times should be about enjoyment - be sure to model good eating choices (which means flexibility, variety and responsible indulging).
~22 years old - Counter body shaming - No matter how much you try to create a body positive environment for girls, kids are going to encounter body shaming - either at them or to people around them. If a coach, friend or peer says something negative about someone's body, it's important to teach your girls how to reply. For example, "that was inappropriate" or "you are being hurtful" or "I will not let you talk to me that way" or "I'd appreciate it if you don't say things like this" can be easy responses to remember if someone is using body shaming language. Never fight back with body shaming them too or spark an argument. Promote positivity even when you express your thoughts.
~39 years old