Today Is one year since Campy, my beloved "soul dog," passed away peacefully at home at 12:20pm, at the age of 17. After 16 years together, the hole in my heart has not fully healed. My heart continues to ache on a daily basis. Campy was more than just a pet; he was my "love and sunshine" and my best friend. He brought me much joy, laughter, happiness, companionship, and unconditional love.
Campy and I were inseparable. I adored his big personality, happy smile, golden hair (which eventually turned white) perfect nose, heart-melting face, and long legs. He went everywhere with me. He was a constant source of comfort and companionship, always making me feel wanted and needed.
Even as he aged, Campy remained a fighter, and we embraced every day we had with him. He was always loved and well taken care of.
Life will never be the same without our sunshine. Campy taught us so much about life, and his presence is terribly missed. We are forever grateful for the memories he created, from chasing squirrels and going on walks to sunbathing and traveling. He was opinionated, spunky, and loyal, and his memory continues to bring a mix of sorrow and immense gratitude for the time we shared.
I can't believe it's been a year since you've passed. I can't believe you are gone. I miss everything about you. I miss holding you and kissing you. I miss your smile, I miss your curiosity and sense of adventure. I miss going to sleep with you deep under the covers and waking up to you, seeing you so excited for another day of life. I miss how much you loved being in the sunshine. I miss our walks and your big personality. It was always you and me. We did everything together. Living life without you has been so hard.
We have a new dog in our life. We adopted him in September. We knew we could never replace you but we missed our routine. You gave us structure and purpose. We named him Sunny in your honor. We know how much you loved the sunshine and we needed something to brighten our days after you passed. It's been challenging to love Sunny like I loved you. I thought I would never be able to connect to him - or love him - but Sunny has helped me through the past year. The love and connection with Sunny is different than what we shared during our 16 years together and I'm learning to realize that's okay. The love I had for you was incredibly special and it will only be for you.
I loved you so much and my love was even stronger as you got older. You were my constant shadow. As you struggled with your hearing and eyesight and started to show signs of dementia, I took my role as caregiver very seriously. Even though you couldn't do the things you used to do, we never lost our special bond. I made sure that you were always living life to the fullest. Even on your last day, you enjoyed your favorite things - chicken and a walk in the sunshine.
I created a memorial on top of our fireplace with all of your things. Your bed, your favorite squeaky toy, the last clean diaper that you wore, your blanket, your pictures, your ashes and your hair. I have your sweaters, leash and harness in a special place and I carry your collar with me in my purse. I still struggle to look at your pictures. My heart hurts too much to look at them. I've purchased several bracelets and necklaces with your name on it. This way you are always close to my heart. When I wear a necklace or bracelet with your name on it, I feel you with me.
Sunny, Ella, Mia, Sylvi and Asher have brought some light back into my life. They make me laugh and smile. But I continue to carry around a lot of emptiness without you. Although the grief and sadness is no longer overwhelming, I still feel lost without you.. I suspect this feeling will never go away.
Campy, thank you for all of the love you gave me. Thank you for giving me purpose. Thank you for all of the laughs, smiles, comfort, cuddles and companionship.
You took a piece of my heart with you and left a piece of your heart with me. I can't wait until we meet again. Until then, I miss you so much my love.
-Marni
